Callings

Callings are tender mercies from the Lord.

I feel like an epic failure in my calling.  I teach the youth sunday school class, which is so rambunctious and disrespectful that ... well, let's just say they make me want to fall on the floor like a toddler and throw a tantrum.  Which is almost what I did on Sunday.  Bad move, Carolyn.  Bad move.

Now I haven't wanted to ask for help.  I thought I could just love these little punks into some respect.  And I do love them, so we have a pretty good relationship outside of the classroom.  Who am I kidding?  They think we have a good relationship in the classroom.  They think that I enjoy playing keep away with their gizmos and having them interrupt my attempts to teach.  So I have stood up there week after week for a year and allowed them to ignore me, throw things at me, and complain about the things they do for me.  And all of a sudden I say, "No.  More."

I am not going to ask for a release.  I have learned too much about what doesn't work to give up now.  No, instead I am going to ask for help.  God's help, the bishop's help, their parents' help, I am going to get all the help I can.  And I will learn how to be a better teacher.  I will learn to lead.

I realize that they may never change.  Maybe that's not why I'm in this calling.  Maybe I am here so that I can change.  Be better, stronger.  Since that's what I want, I am so grateful for this calling.  I can't imagine one that would have challenged and stretched me quite this much.

I am going to get back up.  I am going to throw them out of my class--to "suspend" them so to speak--and send them to time out / the principal's office.  I recognize that, to a large degree, their bad behavior has been reinforced by my unwillingness to confront them.  But I can no longer hold back from this conflict.  It is mine and I am woman enough to not back down.